I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
