NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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