At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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