She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
