the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
