Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
a search helicopter?!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
