tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
