If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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