Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
