Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
