I bet he comes in French.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
