There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
