your room smells of hookers.
And success
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
