Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
