hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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