Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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