Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
