I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
