I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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