I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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