Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
