Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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