dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize