Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize