i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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