so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
