babies were throwing up all over the place
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
