i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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