What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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