totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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