i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
