Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
