i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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