we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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