Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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