Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
