I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize