I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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