i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
