so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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