She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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