i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
