bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
