I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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