There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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