that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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