I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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