.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
