i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
