there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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