Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize