I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
