i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
