There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
