I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize