dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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