um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
