did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
