he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
