ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
