we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So squirting runs in the family.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
