remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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