He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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