Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
