Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
