I cannot find my penis.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
