True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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