Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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