More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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